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AlfaEric
06-14-2005, 01:30 PM
Commonly found people and comments in various forums on the Internet...

Mercedes forum
- My wife and her a-hole lawyer are trying to ruin me in divorce court.
How do I get them both killed and not get in trouble with my medical board?

Bentley Forums
- I used the ash tray today. How do I replace it?

Camaro/Firebird Forums
- My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill 'em? btw, I
have a record and I ain't going back.

Mustang forums
-Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.

Monte Carlo forums
-Why do I keep getting pulled over, it ain't stolen yo.

Civic forums
-Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.

VW Bug forum
- The Save the Earth concert was a success (pics)

Yugo Forum
- When's the last time yours ran?

Lamborghini forum
- Wind noise around 210MPH

Miata forums
- Some redneck jackass in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car (pics)

Chevy Tahoe forum
- Are gas prices going down any time soon?

Pontiac Fiero forum
- Just bought a new flame retardant suit (pics)

BMW 7-series forum
- Where to get service on my Rolex?

Cadillac forum
- Problems parallel parking at bingo.

Buick Forum
- Is Medicare or Medicaid right for me?

Delorean forum
- Just got back from the future and blew a head gasket. Please help. I'm from 1985.

Crown Victoria forum
- How come people don't never pass me on the highway?

Honda Accord forum
- Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims.

Toyota Echo forum
- Do our cars use AAA or AA's?

Ferrari forums
- Need suggestions about a business trip to Columbia. Want to get in and out fast.

Porsche forums
- Tire just went flat. Is it best to trade or sell the car myself?

Saturn forums
- Roman candle landed on my fender. Melted and need to replace.

Jaguar
- Is the carbon fiber dash kit group-buy still on?

Mini
- Just flipped the Cooper after seeing The Italian Job. Suing the movie company. (pics)

Dodge Viper forum
- I frightened myself on the way home from work yesterday. How to get pee stains out of the leather?

McLaren F1 forum
-Some punk kid in a F16 tried to race me.

Dodge Minivan forum
- Where's the best place to post the soccer schedule so I don't forget where I'm supposed to be?

Hummer forum
- Had a fender bender today. 24 hurt, 10 killed. Do I have to get the black touch-up paint from the dealer? He's 25 miles away. That's $35 in gas.

Fiat forum
-Hello? Am I the only member?

Subaru WRX forum
- I hate cops. Got ticketed for drifting in the Walmart parking lot.

Chevy pickup forum
- How do I git the dried tobacco juice stains off the side of mah truck?

SRT Forums..
"Will this void my warranty?"

RX7 Forums
- 13B Groupbuy full, stop PM'ing me.

DSM Forums
-Transmission Groupbuy Full stop PM'ing me

Supra Forums
-Head to big to fit in car, should have bought a Targa.

Vette Forums
-Why did I pay $50k for something with a Cavalier Steering wheel

Ford 2.3 forums
-Help! Replaced everything, still doesn't start

ChosenGSR
06-14-2005, 02:52 PM
:p good one Eric

SMOODY
06-14-2005, 03:18 PM
That reminds me of this:

What a Car Really Says About Its Owner

Acura Integra- I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
Acura Legend- I'm too bland for German cars
Acura NSX- I am impotent
Audi 90- I enjoy putting out engine fires
Buick Park Avenue- I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Eldorado- I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
Cadillac Seville- I am a pimp
Chevrolet Camaro- I enjoy beating up people
Chevrolet Chevette- I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette
Chevrolet Corvette- I'm in a mid-life crisis
Chevrolet El Camino- I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Chrysler Cordoba- I dig the rich Corinthian leather
Datsun 280Z- I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge Dart-I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower
Dodge Daytona- I delivered pizza for four years to get this car
Ford Escort - I'm a red-headed nanny
Ford Fairmont- (See Dodge Dart)
Ford Mustang- I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Crown Victoria- I enjoy having people slow to 55mph & change lanes when I pull up behind them
Geo Storm- I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.
Geo Tracker- I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.
Honda del Sol- I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all
Honda Civic- I have just graduated and have no credit
Honda Accord- I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
Infiniti Q45- I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
Isuzu Impulse-I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.
Jaguar XJ6-I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.
Kia Sephia- I learned nothing from the failure of Diahatsu Corp.
Lincoln Town Car- I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
Mercury Grand Marquis- (See above)
Mercedes 500SL- I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.
Mercedes 560SEL- I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.
Mazda Miata- I do not fear being decapitated by an 18- wheeler
MGB- I am dating a mechanic
Mitsubishi Diamante- I don't know what it means either
Nissan 300ZX- I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Oldsmobile Cutlass- I just stole this car and I'm going to make a....
Peugeot 505 Diesel- I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
Plymouth Neon- I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
Pontiac Trans AM- I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 944- I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow- I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal
Saturn SC2- (See Honda Civic)
Subaru Legacy- I have always wanted a Japanese car even more
Toyota Camry- I am still in the closet
Volkswagon Beetle- I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagon Cabriolet- I am out of the closet
Volkswagon Microbus- I am tripping right now
Volvo 740 Wagon- I am frightened of my wife

Nick325xiT 5spd
06-14-2005, 03:21 PM
McLaren F1 forum
-Some punk kid in a F16 tried to race me.

ROFL!

SMOODY
06-14-2005, 03:28 PM
And let us not forget the ever popular:

BMW

Babbling Mechanical Wench
Beastly Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Waste
Blasphemous Motorized Wreck
Bought My Wife
Brings Me Women
Break My Window
Broken Monstrous Wonder
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Works
Brutal Money Waster

AlfaEric
06-14-2005, 03:34 PM
ACURA:
Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
Asia's Curse Upon Rural America

AMC:
All Makes Combined
A Major Cost
A Mutated Car
A Morons Car
Another Major Catastrophe

AUDI:
Awfully Unsafe Designs Implemented
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Automobile Under Demonic Influence
Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence
Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.

BMW:
Big Mormon Wagon
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
Break My Window
Break My Windshield
Babbling Mechanical Wench
Beastly Monstrous Wonder
Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Barely Moving Wreck
Big Money Waste
Big Money. Why?
Big Money Works
Born Moderately Wealthy
Breaks Most Wrenches
Bring More Wrenches
Brings Me Women
Brings More Women
Broken Money Waster
Broke My Wallet
Broken Monstrous Wonder
Bumbling Mechanical Wretch
Blasphemous Motorized Wreck

BUICK:
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
Big Ugly Imitation Chrome King

CHEVROLET:
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques

DODGE:
Drips Oil & Drops Grease Everywhere
Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Dead Old Dog Going East
Dead On Day Guarantee Expires
Dead On Delivery, Go Easy
Dead On Delivery, Guarantee Expired
Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter
Dear Old Dads Garage Experiment
Daily Overhauls Do Get Expensive

EDSEL: Every Day Something Else Leaks

FIAT:
Failed Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It Again, Tony!
Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation

FORD:
Frigin' Old Rebuilt Dodge
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road Dead
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
First On Race Day
First On Recall Day
Fabricated Of Refried Dung
Fails On Rainy Days
Fantastically Orgasmic Realistic Dream
Fatally Obese Redneck Driver
Fault Of R&D
Finally Obsolete Racing Device
Fireball On Rear Denting
First On Road to Dump
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Recycle Dilemma
Flipping Over Results in Death
Flipped Over Roadside Disaster
Follow Our Rusty Dogsled
Foot On Road Decelerates
Forced On Reluctant Drivers
Formed Of Rejected DNA
Forwarded Once; Return Denied
Forward Only; Reverse Defective
Forlorn, Old, Ratridden Dustbin
Fork Over Repair Dough
Fouled Out Re-done Dodge
Frequent Overhaul, Rapid Deterioration
Free Or Reduced Drastically
Frequent Opinion: Really Disappointed
Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable
Funny Old Rattling Dump
(backwards) Driver Returns On Foot

GEO: Good Engineering Overlooked

GM:
General Maintenance
Great Mistake
Garbage Motors
Generally Miserable
Grossly Misconceived
Gluteus Maximus

GMC:
Garage Man's Companion
Gotta Mechanic Coming?
Generally Mediocre Cars
Get More Chicks
Gets Mechanics Crazy
Gods Mechanical Curse
Got More Crap
Great Mountain Climber
Great Motor Car

GTO: Gas, Tires, Oil

HONDA:
Had One Never Did Again
Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
Hallmark Of Non-Descript Automobiles
Hallmark Of Non-Destructable Automobiles

HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...

JEEP:
Just Eats Every Part
Junk Engineering Executed Poorly
Just Empty Every Pocket

MAZDA: Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

MG: Money Guzzler

MGB: Might Go Backwards

MGF: Might Go Forward

MIATA: My Intention: Always To Accelerate

MOPAR:
Many Odd Parts Arranged Randomly
Miscellaneous Oddball Parts Assembled Ridiculously
Most Often Passed At Races
Mostly Old Parts And Rust
Move Over People Are Racing
Move Over Plymouth Approaching Rapidly
My Old Pig Ain't Running
My Only Problems Are Repairs

MUSTANG: Motor Under Strain, Transmission Almost No Good

OLDSMOBILE: Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

PINTO:
Put In Nickel To Operate
Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook

PLYMOUTH: Please Leave Your Money Out Under The Hood

PONTIAC: Poor Old Numbskull Thinks Its A Cadillac

PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything

SAAB:
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
Sad Attempt At Beauty
Sorry Auto, Always Broken
Shape Appears Ass-Backwards

SUBARU: Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

TOYOTA:
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
Torturous On Your Old Tired Ass
The One You Ought To Avoid

TRIUMPH:
This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help!
Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt!

VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW: Virtually Worthless

AlfaEric
06-14-2005, 10:04 PM
I just realized the original list was missing Alfa. So I borrowed these from an Alfa site.

ALFA:
Always Looking For Another
A Life Fulfilling Addiction
Avoid the Legendary Fume Asphyxiation
Always Looking For A ride home
Always Leaking Fluids Anywhere
A Lively F***ing Automobile
Always Looking For Adventure
Another Lonely Foreign Automobile
Abbreviated Legs, Far-reaching Arms
Addiction Leaches Funds Away
Affordability Lessons Ferrari Aspirations
Adorable Little Foreign Auto
Andiamo Lesti Fumando Assai
(We go fast, making a lot of smoke)

---Eric

SharkD
06-15-2005, 08:27 AM
Mustang forums
-Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.

That's spot-on. Back when my '65 actually ran, kids with Hoover-powered Civics would try to race me all the time at stoplights. LOL

Phat Ham
06-16-2005, 11:37 AM
I just realized the original list was missing Alfa. Also forgot Lotus: Lots of Trouble, Usually Serious

AlfaEric
06-16-2005, 12:22 PM
...a few more...

CADILLAC:
Crazy And Demented Idiots Like Large American Cars

CAMARO:
Can't Americans Make A Real One?

CHEVY:
Can Have Everyone Violently Yakking
CHarged HEaVilY
Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet
Continues Having Emissions Violations Yearly
Cruddy Hick Engine, Very Yucky
Crap Hidden (in) Every Vast Yard

IROC:
I Race Other Cars
I Run Over Children
I'd Rather Own a Corvette
I'm Really Out of Cash
It's Really Only a Camaro
Italian Retard Out Cruising


MB:
Mechanics Beware
Money Bleeder

MINIVAN:
Manhood Is Not Intact, Vasectomized And Neutered

MITSUBISHI:
Mostly In The Shop Undergoing Big Investments, Sometimes Halfway Incomplete

John V
06-21-2005, 01:34 PM
My favorites:

CHRYSLER:

Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair.

FORD:

Ford Oil Ruins Driveways (this one is recursive)

So appropriate!

JRG_in_MD
07-27-2005, 09:46 PM
I love Fix It Again, Tony!, and it's so true! I fell in love with a '74 124 Spyder, owned by a sailor returning from overseas in 1978, burnt orange in color. In the course of the next two years I fixed or replaced every single electrical item on the beast. I was happy to give it away at the end, and was thrilled that a nice family looking for a stylish car to send their daughter off to school in bought it. Father and mother drove Mercedes, so I had no qualms when it went. I made sure I moved shortly thereafter.
Rich